Fear You, Like You, Hate You, Love You
by Diana-Jae
Summary: After she faces this drama, she has to face that drama. One after another, they keep coming. And when she thinks one’s over, another drama walks up to her… in the shape of a boy. HieixBotanxShuuichi etc. [Chap 3 up]
1. God

****

Fear You, Like You, Hate You, Love You

Chapter 1 – God

"God! Who invented winter anyway? I can't even feel my legs anymore!"

"God did."

"God… why is it that boys get to wear pants and we're stuck with skirts… even during winter? I can't feel my legs anymore!"

"Because the school administration think they're God."

"God!"

"What?"

"It's freezing, and it's not even winter yet."

"Let's go."

**

Laughter.

Deep, warm, genuine laughter.

A small smile unconsciously tugged at the girl's lips. 

__

Laugh again.

"He's gonna have to get a new tail-pipe for sure."

"Dude! I still can't believe he backed up into Yuusuke's car like that."

"Good times."

Raising her head from between crossed arms, her heavy eyelids parted at long, dark eyelashes to reveal reddened but deep eyes of an amethyst hue. Her head slightly throbbed, and her view of the classroom was still two images diverging; she blinked.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty's awake."

She blinked again. Her image cleared, her eyes first caught sight of the redhead and smiled.

"I was just really tired, and Kazunari's the only one that'd let me in early enough to catch my extra z's."

"Oh." The male youth walked up to her then and bent low enough to give the tired girl their _ritualistic _hug for the day.

"Hey, that was a good hug," she commented mildly. "Usually it's just a good tap on the back."

He smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, well."

__

Sleeping Beauty bent over and reached a slender hand into her black purse and snatched a glass bottle filled with a creamy, mocha-colored liquid. "Want some?"

"Nah. You probably need it more than me."

She shrugged and uncapped the tin cover and put it to her lips before she caught him still looking at her. She placed her bottle down. "What?"

"Huh?"

"You're staring."

"So?"

"I get uncomfortable. It's not cool. Turn around for a second."

"While you take a sip of your frap?"

"Sure."

"You're a weird kid."

"It's okay. I've always felt the same about you, but I didn't say anything cuz I thought you'd get mad."

"Oh, that's cold."

"I know, but if it makes you feel better, I still love you. Now turn."

He laughed and did as she said while she took into her mouth a partial amount of the contents in the bottle.

"You know Koenma backed up into Yuusuke's car today?"

"He did?"

"Yeah. Big dent on his bumper."

"What about Yuusuke's car?"

"It's fine. His car can stand anything."

"Don't say that. It's bad luck."

"Huh?"

"Next thing you know, he'll get in an accident and _then_ there'll really be this big dent in his car."

He chuckled and turned to bend down and poke her on the forehead lightly with his forefinger. "Now what you just said, _that's_ bad luck."

The girl blushed and was about to counter his statement, but their English teacher entered the classroom and announced a hearty "Good morning" or the sort.

"Hey, I'll just talk to you later." 

"Yeah, sure," she blinked again and dabbed the edges of her eyes with her fingers for a moment.

She looked around the classroom again and was surprised to find that the classroom was suddenly filled with her peers, engrossed in their own gossip and laughter.

She hadn't realized it.

She hadn't even realized that the bell had rung…

__

…before the laughter.

**

"Hey, it's tall guy!" She bounced over and threw her arms around the huge, varsity football player.

"Well, hey, it's short girl." He scratched his head and laughed, wondering what the occasion was for the blue-haired teenager to suddenly just go over and catch him in a surprising embrace.

"God! Why do you have to be so tall?"

"Because God made me this way."

"But God! It makes it harder for me to give you a hug."

"I'll bend down next time for the vertically challenged. Just let me know when you wanna attack me with one."

"Ha-ha. Funny."

"I know. I'm working on my jokes."

"You need a lot of improvement then."

He laughed, and she grabbed him by the arm. "You can be my escort to class."

"I'd be happy to, lil lady."

"Ha-ha. Like I said, _funny_."

He laughed. "Sorry. The pun wasn't intended." They rounded a corner and he caught sight of a friend. "Yo, Hiei."

The shorter boy peeked an eye from under the hood of his black sweatshirt and acknowledged the football player with a gesturing nod and continued walking.

"So, what's the occasion?"

His companion looked up at him with a quizzical expression. "Occasion?"

"For the hug."

"Oh. I just wanted to give you one."

"Really. That's cute."

"I know. Plus, I wanted to congratulate you for last week's game." The loudness of her voice had dropped a few notches when she said the latter half of her statement.

He tried not to let the invisible strings that tugged on his lips when an emotion was present pull them into an arrogant grin, but he failed. "You went! You were _looking_."

"I was not!"

"You were!"

"I never even said I _went_, moreover _looking_!"

"But you implied it. You didn't have to say it."

"You're impossible!"

"So you like him?"

"No."

"You're lying."

"I think he's cute. I don't even know him, so I can't possibly _like_ him."

"I could introduce you to him."

"That's a sweet thought, but it's an offer I have to decline."

"Why? Then you might actually _like _him."

"I don't know. It's just a feeling I have."

"Well, if you ever change your mind…"

"I won't. He's just… well, how would others put it? Uhh, eye-candy."

"You're cold."

"I know I am. God! Why do we have to wear skirts anyway?"

The taller boy laughed and caught her by the crook of the neck and began to rub his knuckles on her head as she shrieked and tried to free herself from his arms.

**

"Tennis is killing me! God!" Her small frame collapsed in front of her partner, legs outstretched and tennis racket on her legs.

"It's killing your hair too. You have so many split ends." The other girl had crawled closer to the back of her friend and began to inspect the tips of her sky-blue hair.

She sighed and pulled her legs toward her chest to use it as a resting area for her chin and arms. "I know. I was thinking about getting my hair chopped this weekend."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"How many inches?"

"Maybe three or four. It depends."

"Oh." There was a pause as a tennis ball flew over the fence and began to bounce towards the stairs that lead down to the locker room. It stopped just at the edge. "Are you going to the homecoming dance?"

"Are you?"

"I asked you first."

"I haven't really thought about it. I don't even have a date."

"Oh."

"Are you going?"

"Yeah."

"With who?"

"Koenma."

"Soccer player Koenma? _That_ Koenma?"

"Yeah. Why?"

What someone had told her earlier that day about him managed to draw a smile on her face. "No reason. I was just curious."

"Well, I think you should go."

"Girls!" The firm voice of an interruption automatically made their heads flip towards it. Their tennis coach was poking a finger through the crosshatch metal fence towards the scattered tennis balls and motioning them to get up with the other hand. "Could you do me a favor and pick them up? Practice is over."

"Sure thing, Coach."

"Thanks. You two did good today."

Both girls stood up, and dusted their shirts and shorts off. There was nothing much to say as the other girls of the team began to move about between them and around them to collect scattered tennis balls as well. They bent to pick up the yellow and white objects off of the ground, an unspoken promise to call each other that night to continue their unfinished conversation lingering in the atmosphere above them.

**

Author Notes:

This was a weird chapter, I'll admit. I think it's my English teacher. He's so… weird. I think the weirdness might be rubbing off on me. =\

I purposely didn't write the names of the characters that were actually in the dialogue. No particular reason either; I just felt like doing it that way, but you should be able to tell which characters are speaking through their small descriptions.

And for the record, Yukina and Hiei are not related in this fic. You'll find that a lot of things in this way AU fic don't follow the original YYH storyline.

About the _God_ thing, I know you're not supposed to say his name in vain, but I'm not even sure if I believe in him or not. So I guess I'm exempt.

At any rate, this is probably going to be the most complicated piece of writing that I'll ever do, relative to the character relationships. So expect love octagons to come every which way and maybe even more complicated ones. I dunno. It'll be very… weird. I guess it's the effect of school and the gossip. =\

Well, please read and review. Comments, suggestions, flames, etc – they're all very welcome.

Any Kurama (Shuuichi) x Botan fans reading? Please visit and support this clique:

www . geocities . com / kb _ reflections

****

Disclaimers: Yuu Yuu Hakusho and its characters belong to Yoshihiro Togashi, Shueisha, Fuji TV, Shounen Jump, etc. Don't sue. You are cool. =]


	2. Mother

Fear You, Like You, Hate You, Love You 

**[Chapter 2 – Mother]**

Botan slipped off her wet shoes and padded into the dark hallway that led into the living room. Life seemingly so routine, she had already expected her feet to stop walking just at the foot of the staircase for a moment to think about the unthinkable, but hoping that she may, today, get an answer. So with the false hope that she herself summoned, she abruptly turned around with a smile. 

Taking a deep breath to hopefully make her voice carry through that lonely darkness, it still emerged a whisper. "I'm sorry I'm late, Mom. I had tennis practice today… Coach said that I'm getting really good though." She paused and looked at the still dark and silent room. "I'll cook dinner in a second, okay?"

Nothing; so dead.

That silence and darkness that continued to linger soon became overwhelming, and the keys she held suddenly dropped along with her purse at the foot of the staircase before she could even climb up to change and wash up. Following in quick succession with the two items that had impacted with the wooden floor, she soon followed, automatically curling herself up into a ball and gathering herself into her arms, rocking away, trying to imitate what a mother would do for her traumatized daughter. The tears poured out from her already swollen amethyst eyes, and ran down her cheeks to collect at the tip of her chin where they would drip out onto her uniform and flesh.

"God! …Damnit. Who am I kidding…?"

Silence.

"I… know you're not there… but maybe one day… magically you'll be back… to see me." She choked back a sob.

The walls and objects that she used to talk to out of her loneliness and want for someone didn't even offer a reply.

_…simply because they couldn't._

"Mom… please come back…"

She continued to stay in that fetal position, rocking and crying in the corner of the foot of her staircase, completely forgetting that she was soaked from the rain.

_…completely forgetting that there even was the sound of pitter-pattering of raindrops against her window._

**

There was a crash as a body skidded across the floor after a failed attempt at an air-flare.

Shuuichi, from where he sat on the counter on the other side of the room, winced as he saw the cardboard boxes come crashing down on his friend. "Ouch. That's definitely gotta hurt."

"Damn. I almost had it," Hiei growled as he threw the empty boxes off to another part of the room. He looked about the very small, square area and shook his head disapprovingly. "We seriously gotta find some other place to session. This room sucks."

"And we need linoleum," the redhead added matter-of-factly.

"Yeah. Remind me to hit Touya up later. He said he'd hook us up with one."

"Is that guy really thinking about joining Renegade?" Shuuichi asked as he hopped off the counter to stop the CD player and collect their items to leave.

"Yeah. His footwork's a little weak; the probability of us losing is pretty much ninety-nine percent now." 

"With your air-flares, maybe more."

"Fuck you."

"Language."

"Shit-head."

Shuuichi chuckled. "Sessioning is over, I'm guessing?"

His response was a casual shrug. "If you don't have to see what's her face, I don't mind sessioning for longer, but if not, I'll cruise."

"Maya Kitajima," he corrected, making a face.

"What?"

"_What's her face_ actually has a name, and it's Maya." Shuuichi picked up the main part of the stereo and the wires, leaving Hiei to deal with the speakers and the CD's. "Let's go."

"So you do have to see what's her face."

"It's Maya, damn you, and why are you making it sound like she's my girlfriend? She isn't."

"Your stalker then?"

Shuuichi rolled his eyes. "I'm thinking you really need to find yourself a girl."

"Screw you."

"Physically impossible."

**

The middle-aged woman paced back and forth against her luxurious surroundings, her manicured feet making temporary imprints in the soft, deep carpet of her husband's home. Her eyes knew perfectly well where the little marble table was with the vintage telephone, beckoning to her to come to it and dial a long-distance number to say hello to a little girl…

_…who probably wasn't so little anymore._

Hypnotized, her slender hands and delicate, doll-like fingers trembled as it reached out to the glossy handle of the telephone, but as soon as flesh made contact with the glass-cold texture, a much greater part of her pulled her back like a magnet. 

It was no use… 

Just like it had been the past ten years, try as hard as she might to be able to break the barrier between her and that phone, she never could.

There was a lot of personal shame that she felt, and she couldn't, wouldn't, bring herself to show her face to her sunshine again, nor offer a maternal voice as a comfort for her daughter. Not even once. She was being selfish, she would tell herself, but another part of her would also tell herself that she was being unselfish for saving the one thing she truly loved the shame of knowing that her mother was a stupid slut-whore, working her way to snag a man with enough money to keep herself and her daughter living a well-to-do life.

_…I've accomplished that._

She desperately hoped that her daughter was faring well with the most that she could ever give her: money, her so-called "love in an envelope." To other mothers, that would have been such an impudent thought.

Still trembling from her initial "close encounter" with the telephone, the woman took a deep breath of air and then sauntered over to the left bedside table and pulled out a photo of a little blue-haired girl with a sunhat and a watermelon in her hand, face smothered with the red, juicy meat of the fruit. She smiled. It was the only photo of her bright-eyed baby that she was able to keep with her since she left the country to find herself a decent way of living.

Tch… 

Some decent way of living… 

Placing it back into the side drawer, she entered her bathroom with her model-like grace and opened the medicine cabinet where she picked out a small, orange prescription bottle, her name written on a paper wrapped around it. _Take 3 pills once daily to relieve stress_, it said. With her palm on the cap, she pushed it down and twisted it open and popped a pill into her mouth. She shut her eyes tight, feeling the small tablet slide down her throat and begin to dissolve in the acidic juices of her stomach. 

"Honey?"

"Yes?"

"It's time for dinner."

"I'll be right there."

"Okay."

She looked at her reflection, her amethyst eyes now devoid of their previous shine and ambition, her complexion marred with the burden of work and survival, her posture bent slightly from the weight of guilt on her back. But strangely enough, it was only she that could see all of these things. To everyone else, her husband, her butler, her maids, and maybe even her daughter if she were to see her, why, they all thought she was stunning.

In their eyes… 

"Hon?"

"Right. I'm coming," she said barely above a whisper. Looking at her reflection for the last time, she shook her head regretfully at the woman she thought she had become before turning and elaborately sweeping her way out of the room down to the dining room.

**

When she finally awoke, the rain outside had escalated into a well-choreographed storm; the type of storm which the girl was most definitely unaccustomed to. A whimper that she was unable to control escaped her lips as the loud boom of thunder banged against the windowpanes of her home and the streak of lightning flashed threateningly as a reflection in her eyes from outside of her window. She could not remember when the last time was that they had received such bad weather; all she knew was that she feared it most probably because she had been alone the last time it had happened.

She suddenly found herself thinking about her mother again, wishing that she were there. Shutting her eyes to block the shadows and vision of the boisterous rain, wind, and other stormy concoctions outside was something she didn't dare to do; it would only manage to draw mental images of her childhood that she'd rather not conjure up. 

Dizzy, she grabbed onto the wooden handrail by the staircase to support her as she tried to haul her body to a standing position. Confused, afraid, and with no means of escape from the storm and from her nightmares in that house, she made up her mind to go and spend the night with a friend and neighbor, one that she knew wouldn't refuse her, but one she was ashamed to go and ask such a favor from.

"Please be home," she griped under her breath. Grabbing her keys, she tried to get to her front door without her aching and wobbly body collapse beneath her.

**

A knock on the door made him lose his balance, and he toppled to the ground from his inverted position. "Fuck! Hiei, I swear to God…" he flung open the door ready to verbally chew his buddy's head off, when he was cut short by his own voice as he saw a familiar mop of blue hair standing in his doorway.

"Botan… uhh, what are you doing here this late?"

"God," she began in a mumble, "this is turning out to be _the_ ultimate day from hell, don't you think?"

"Because of the weather?"

"I thought maybe you'd want some company," she replied, ignoring his query.

"At two o' clock in the morning?" He leaned against the doorframe with a very amused smirk and watched her fidgeting form, her eyes cast on the ground. He knew it was bad hospitality on his part not to invite her into his house from the rain, but he was sure she'd survive a few seconds to explain, which, truly genius, she did.

"I couldn't sleep. There's so much noise out here, so I thought you'd be…" The crash of thunder sounded around the neighborhood, and her own lie was interrupted with a yelp that gave it all away.

Shuuichi laughed at the girl, who flew into his arms the split second she heard that giant boom. "I'd be?"

"…be awake too," she finished with a shudder, still clutching onto every part of his body that she could decently grasp.

"You do know that this counts as a hug, right? So don't expect one in class."

"Whatever," she replied carelessly, plodding towards the couch and flopping lazily into it. She shivered.

It was only then did he realize that her entire body was drenched. She was wet and her tiny frame was trembling, and from the cold or fear, he didn't exactly know. Maybe it was from both.

"I'll be right back. I'm gonna go and get you some clothes." He walked to a little device on the wall and punched something to allow heat to circulate in his house. "You like chocolate?"

"No."

"Okay, hot chocolate it is then."

"Shuuichi, you don't have to…"

"Oh, but I do. Trust me, I do. If Mom ever finds out that I let you catch hypothermia, that'll be my head on a silver platter served to your mom."

"Is she home?" She cowered when she heard another boom, causing the boy to chuckle inwardly.

"No, she's not. She's working graveyard shift."

"Oh."

"Yeah." He began to walk up the stairs. "Lemme go and grab some sweats for you."

"Can I come?"

"Sure."

The two teenagers walked up the stairs and through a spacious upper family room, which Botan thought seemed so much livelier, despite the fact that it was only she and Shuuichi in the house, in comparison to her home.

There was another crash of lightning, and Shuuichi nearly stumbled when the girl clung to his waist, her face pressed tight against his back in fear.

"You never told me that you were afraid of thunder."

"You never asked."

"Just thunder?"

"Storms in general, and for the record, this better stay between just the two of us."

"What if it doesn't?" He winced in pain as she pinched his arm. "Okay, okay. It's just between us."

"It better."

He chuckled, and though he could not see her face, he knew she was pouting. They entered his room, and he flipped the light-switch on. Botan had not been in that room since the 8th grade, and it felt simultaneously strange and comforting being in there again. She walked over to the bed and sat on the edge as Shuuichi began rummaging through a pinewood bureau for a shirt and a pair of sweats.

"Hey, Aya Matsuura's gone," she observed dryly, her eyes directed at the ceiling where there used to be a giant poster of the teen idol singer.

"She's been gone for a while actually. I found out it was all just an effect of hormones. She did have a nice ass though." He moved to the bed and placed the clothes and a towel on her lap.

"Are you telling me you're not affected by your hormones anymore?"

"No. There're just better things than posters that I can actually get a hold of these days. Plus, the real thing's always better."

Botan looked at him quizzically as if to ask what he meant even though a part of her did not want him to elaborate.  
  


"Sex."

She rolled her eyes. "Dirty bastard."

"Name a girl who doesn't want me," he challenged.

"Me, for one."

"Well, you don't count. I've known you since we were seven. You're practically my sister."

"Whatever."

"Is that a way of telling me you want me too?" he teased.

"Get real."

He laughed. "You know where the bathroom is. I'll be downstairs in the kitchen. Just go down when you're done."

**

Botan trudged towards a stool in the kitchen's center food preparation table. There was already a mug of hot chocolate with little half-disintegrated marshmallows bobbing on the surface waiting for her. Her eyes looked about the spacious area trying to find her crude redheaded companion, and as if on cue, he emerged from a back room connected to the kitchen with a towel he was using to dry his hands with.

"Drink it while it's hot."

"You didn't have to do this, you know."

"I know, but like I said, the last thing I want is for my head to get chopped off, and I'm quite partial to it actually." He took a seat in front of her and watched as her fingers, hidden in the baggy sleeves of his shirt, tentatively touched the sides of the mug to test the heat around it. Deciding it wouldn't burn her, she brought the mug to her lips, and just when she was about to take a small sip, her eyes found his, and she placed the mug back on the table.

"What is it with you and staring at me while I drink? Is it a weird fetish of yours or something? God!"

The boy burst out laughing. "Sorry, do you want me to _turn around while you drink_?"

"You look older, but I swear to God! You've gotten less mature."

"I just find you cute when you drink. I can't help it," he replied innocently.

"And cows are green. You are a sick, sad excuse for a man."

He laughed some more. "I'd be lying if I told you that I didn't miss these conversations with you."

She disregarded his last comment and took the opportunity to take a sip of the warm substance while he was busy laughing. Botan wasn't ready to admit that she had missed him as her best friend, not the "5-minute-conversation-accompanied-by-a-daily-hug" kind of friend and that she equally missed such conversations, though the ones she remembered didn't include such crude vocabulary. Rather, they were limited to second-graders' vocabulary and a parallel mentality.

His laughter subsiding, his eyes wandered to his quiet companion, who had gone to making little circles on the counter with her index finger, not really paying him any mind. It was only then that he noticed how red and swollen her eyes were, a little puffy around the edges, and dark bags forming beneath them. Concern completely wiped away the face of mirth in a second.

"Hey, you were crying."

She snapped from her trance.

"What?"

"Something's bothering you."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're the worst liar in the world. Don't even try."

She paused before replying with a little more attitude than she had intended, "I don't wanna talk about it."

"Not talking about it is only gonna make it worse."

She glowered. "What would you know?"

"Look, I know we haven't been as close during high school as we were in middle school, but I haven't been your best friend for nothing. I _know_ you. You can still trust me, or I'd like to think you'd have known that at least."

"Whatever," she sighed and shook her head, taking another sip of the cup, no longer caring whether or not he was looking. Finishing the final remnants of the liquid chocolate, she was about to get up to wash it when Shuuichi took the mug from her and walked to the kitchen sink to do it himself.

"If you're tired, you can crash in the guest room."

**

Shuuichi was in the middle of throwing on a shirt and a pair of boxers when his thoughts took a wild turn into debating whether or not he should go and check on Botan. He still felt ill at ease about what he found out earlier. What had upset her? What made her cry? _Who_ made her cry? If it were a _someone_, they had better hope that he didn't find out. There was a lot of respect he had for the young woman mainly because she was able to put up with her life, growing up a lot faster than most of her peers. But at the same time, he also felt pity for her, and as a friend, he felt bound to always see to it that she'd be okay.

Trying not to dwell on those thoughts, but still quite irritated by them, he walked to the light-switch and turned it off then made for his comforters. He'd be sleeping in for sure tomorrow. It was already three in the morning, and the rain still didn't let up though the succession of thunder and lightning were now scattered and didn't come quite as often. Anyone could bet an appendage on their body that he wouldn't get up until a little past noon.

He was on the edge of complete slumber when he heard his door creak open and footsteps walking toward his bedside. He hadn't the time to wonder or even prop himself up to see who it was when he felt something, or rather someone, drop onto the empty space beside him.

"Botan?"

He stiffened as he felt her body snuggle against his, her curves pressing against his arm and sides, and her small hands clutching tightly, almost as if she were afraid of falling off the bed.

"I got scared," she mumbled into his shirt.

"Chicken-shit." He laughed when he felt the nails of her thumb and index finger squeeze a small piece of flesh on his arm. "I'm kidding."

"I hope you don't mind," she said a moment later, her voice sounding far away. She was probably falling asleep. "It's kinda like old times, y'know?"

He thought about that a little. _No. Not really. During the old times, you didn't have breasts and hormones hadn't kicked in yet. What the hell are you doing!? _He coughed and tried to sound casual. "Yeah… old times." _Breasts? Shuuichi, you are losing it! When did you start thinking about Botan **that** way? Hell, when did you even notice she **had** breasts? She's like a sister! Like a sister! Sister! Damnit! A sister! _His conscience was giving him the beat-down of the century.

"Shuuichi," she whispered tiredly.

"Yeah?"

"I miss my mom."

"Is that what's been bothering you?"

Her face against his arm was still, her chest moving evenly as she breathed, her hand no longer tense. She had fallen asleep.

Soon he forgot about his so-called "troubling" predicament and somehow drifted to where Botan probably was – back ten years in time. His body relaxed and the arm that Botan was clutching onto subconsciously wrapped itself protectively around her.__

**

Author Notes:

Lots of notes here because I have a lot of explaining to do. ^^;

Firstly, I guess this chapter is dedicated to the Kurama/Botan shippers out there because of the ample amount of Shuuichi and Botan interaction going on here. It won't stay that way though. ^^; Sorry, but for there to be _love octagons_, I can't stick to one couple for the duration of the entire fic. 

The Hiei/Botan interaction won't come until the 3rd or 4th installment of this fic. So Hiei/Botan shippers, don't be discouraged. For all intents and purposes of this fic, it was necessary to show the relationship between Shuuichi and Botan here because it's gonna show up again later in the fic. The same applies to other couplings. Hmm, this is exactly what I meant by complicated.

As for other alternative (but temporary) pairings, they'll show up in due time. =] The whole thing with Maya (I have nothing against her so don't misinterpret my calling her "what's-her-face" as bad) is just to set you up for her relationship with Hiei and Shuuichi later. And so as not to confuse you, this fic is mainly about Botan and her life issues. Other characters and her relationship with them (or their relationships with each other) are teasers, added problems, a factor of the so-called "drama" in Botan's life, and entertainment. 

Final couples are a surprise. ^^ It'll keep going back and forth where romance is concerned, so you can bet this is gonna be long.

Also, I find it really difficult to think about Hiei and Shuuichi as break-dancers, but then I find portraying Yuusuke as a surfer just as absurd, but in this fic, he is. And if you think that's bad, just wait until you find out what Shizuru is. I won't say what exactly because giving away Yuusuke's roll was hard enough. So, you see, in my idiotic attempt to _diversify_ my writing, I'm willing to think outside the bubble. 

And Botan's mother. Mm… boy is she fu**ed up. I'd love to tell you more about that, but any more than what you've just read is going to give away the shocker (or at least I'm hoping that it _will_ be shocking) to Botan's family/childhood, and what Shuuichi knows but keeps dormant in memory. 

The first chapter was not dark so I don't know what the hell happened here. =\ My fingers have a mind of their own when they're typing sometimes. So I tried to lighten it up by adding in my odd sense of humor. Bear with it, please. Everything in this fic (surprisingly enough) has a purpose. It's new to me because I don't write fics like this. =\

Well, please read and review. Comments, suggestions, flames, etc. – they're all very welcome.

Any Kurama (Shuuichi) x Botan fans reading? Please visit and support this clique:

www . geocities . com / kb _ reflections

**Disclaimers:** Yuu Yuu Hakusho and its characters belong to Yoshihiro Togashi, Shueisha, Fuji TV, Shounen Jump, etc. Don't sue. You are cool. =]


	3. Sex

Fear You, Like You, Hate You, Love You 

**[Chapter 3 – Sex]**

The weather had calmed significantly since the night prior, and apparently, so did the turbulent mind of a certain blue-haired young woman.  Buried under a mass of pillows and a disarrayed comforter, she was brought to life from her sound sleep by the delicate drizzle of the rain against the windowpane.

The strange scent of the room filled her lungs as she took in a conscious breath, and though it was strange, she found it alluring and comforting. She was still not in the right mind to be able to identify where exactly she was, but she decided that if she could just stay there forever, it would guarantee her a good week or so of painlessness. Bringing her legs closer to her chest, she curled herself more and thought upon the events of the preceding night, but the only word that came to mind each time she tried to think on it was _Shuuichi_.

…And a subtle smile formed upon her morning lips.

**

What would normally have been a lazy, relaxing sleep had turned out into what he would call the night from hell. Sleep had definitely been depleted from the regular vocabulary that would usually be used to describe him in the morning. 

Fact knew that he had fallen asleep quickly, but it also knew that with the same speed that he had drifted into slumber, he had also been pulled back into reality. The abruptness of the situation that was laid out before him during the storm of the night proved that he was not quite ready to jump back into his youth's intimate relationship with the blue-haired girl. There should have been a smooth transition – if any at all. They were no longer seven or eight years of age; they were sixteen and seventeen, and quite frankly, Shuuichi was your average teenage young man and such things as hormones and adrenaline were some of the things that, try as he might with all his manly strength, he just could not control.

So now, at seven-thirty in the morning, Shuuichi Minamino was in the kitchen doing what he normally would not be doing on a weekend: cooking breakfast. 

And thus when three strong taps against his front door made him grumble a number of colorful expletives, it was not the least bit surprising – not by his standard of character anyway. He dropped his spatula into the thick batter that would become breakfast in order to show some courtesy to the early visitor.

"Hiei… you have really bad timing, you know that?"

"Well, good morning to you too, shit-face," his friend grumbled.

Shuuichi stepped aside to let his vulgar friend into his abode and then left him to attend to the closing of the door while he went back to the kitchen to pay attention to the blueberry pancakes.

"So," Hiei started as he comfortably sat himself on the stool where Shuuichi had sat the night before, "why so irritable this morning?"

"Didn't get enough sleep."

He grinned. "What's-her-face keep you up?"

"She has a name. Learn it." When he didn't receive a reply even after he had gone on to put the pancakes on two plates, he continued, "And no. She did not keep me up last night. I was actually taking care of someone else."

"Anyone I know?"

"Maybe not personally, but she's in our…" He was interrupted by a loud thud against the ceiling above them.

"New pet?" Hiei asked with a brow raised in question.

"Ow! God damn it!" The two boys suddenly heard the shrill tone of someone who had just fallen off a bed and then hit something else. Shuuichi winced. She would not be very pleasant this morning.

Hiei still looked surprised for a moment, but soon after, it twisted itself into a smirk. "Oh, I get it now."

"Get what?" the other asked, now wearing the other boy's previous puzzlement.

"You guys were… rocking the house."

Shuuichi just threw a disgusted look at Hiei. 

"That's going to leave a bruise there tomorrow," Botan complained, entering the kitchen and interrupting the two boys' conversation. She walked right past Hiei, completely unseeing him, and lightly hit Shuuichi on the shoulder. "I hope that leaves a mark," she harrumphed and then added, "You know, you really should learn to put your weights off to a far corner of your room…_away_ from your bed."

"Oh yeah. That hurt so much," Shuuichi replied sarcastically, ignoring her last comment knowing that Hiei was probably getting all the wrong ideas. He then motioned to the table. "Breakfast's ready. You know Hiei, right?"

Botan stared at the crimson-eyed youth but didn't say a word. 

"I'll take that as a no then. You two make friends."

Botan still said nothing and instead plodded towards a stool and then occupying it, greedily invited herself to dig into the warm pancakes. "Your mom teach you to cook, Shuuichi?" she asked in between bites.

"Taught myself, thank you very much."

"You never were one to be modest." She rolled her eyes and stuck her tongue out at him before shifting her attention back to her breakfast when Hiei suddenly asked her how she found Shuuichi the night before.

The redhead blanched and nearly dropped his plate. His bottle green eyes narrowed warningly at his friend indicating this was not the way he wanted to start his day. Botan, on the other hand, seemed not quite to catch on just yet. 

"He was really nice about letting me stay the night. He's still perverted though… a total tease too. I've known him since like elementary school so it doesn't really faze me."

Hiei did not quite understand her response at first, but when it began to piece together, he burst out laughing. "Since elementary school? You guys have been intimate since elementary school?" He averted his surprised gaze at Shuuichi, mocking him. "I didn't know you were active for _that_ long." Hiei snickered. "And a tease, huh? What's-her-face know that?" 

Shuuichi shook his head and looked ready to throw his plate at Hiei's head but was ignored.

"Intimate?" the girl squeaked.

"Yeah. You know, how was Shuuichi _in bed_?"

She thought for a moment, the last two words of Hiei's inquiry not having completely registered.

"Why do you want to know," Shuuichi asked interjecting on his naiveté friend's behalf. "You aren't going homosexual on me, are you?"

"Fuck you, Minamino."

That was when it dawned on her exactly what Hiei had been talking about, and her face contorted into disgust. "Jaganshi, you dirty shit."

"At least I'm not slow, Furuya," he grinned broadly.

"Fuck you."

Without batting an eye, he reclined in his chair and then asked her in a rather smug tone, "Would you like to?"

She blinked. "Like to what?"

"Fuck me, what else? I don't have a problem with it. I haven't gotten some since the party at Yuusuke's house on New Year's Eve with Juri. Just ask permission from your boyfriend first." He immediately found a piece of toast on his face, and he growled in irritation.

"Shuuichi is _not_ my boyfriend," Botan declared before abruptly standing up and walking to where Hiei sat and made a grab for the toast that sat on his plate, but before she could even attempt to skip back to her seat and eat up the toast that Shuuichi had prepared, she felt something pull her back in mid-step. Looking back, she found Hiei's hand encircling her wrist. She frowned and tried to tug it back, and when she could not, she looked at Shuuichi, silently asking him to come and pry his friend off her arm.

But to her great astonishment and dismay, he shrugged. "It's yours and Jaganshi's battle. It'd be so wrong of me to interfere." He grinned impishly and leaned back against the counter where he proceeded to eat his breakfast.

He was rewarded with a jut of Botan's lower lip in her anguish and a frown in her irritation before she shrieked, "Minamino, you heartless bastard!" She flipped her head towards Hiei, who was now in the process of peeling the toast that she had so mercilessly chucked at his face. "Let go, Jaganshi before I…"

She was not able to finish because at that moment Hiei had stood up and lazily let the toast drop onto his untouched plate and inched forward so that his face was merely centimeters away from her own. "Before you what?" he asked slyly, already feeling the heat rise from her cheeks and her breathing escalating.

For someone that harbored a secret feeling of affection for him, and being within a dangerously close range to him, Botan was handling the situation quite well. The crimson color still tainted her usually cream-colored complexion as she grunted and roughly jerked herself away from him. And she scampered back to her stool with the piece of toast in her hand where she tore off a small piece and popped it in her mouth. "If Shuuichi didn't cook really good French toast, I'd slap you with this piece too."

Hiei was gazing at her with a lazy expression and then shifted his look to the redhead, who pretended he had not seen anything, though the way his eyes sparkled and his lips twitched would have denied that. The shorter young man jerked a thumb at Botan and inquired of the other youth, "And you've been putting up with her since elementary school?"

Shuuichi chuckled, "She isn't a complete nightmare all the time. It's just for show, right Princess?"

"You're both jerks," the blue-haired teenager harrumphed as she stomped out of the kitchen with her breakfast plate.

"Where are you going?" Shuuichi called after her.

"To go and eat where I don't have to look at your sorry excuse for a face," came her retort.

Shuuichi winced when the notion hit him like a ton of bricks that Botan really was mad at him. He listened to the footsteps that plodded over his staircase, the hallway, and into his room wherein the noise of a door slamming could be heard. He sighed. Even after three years of not having been in his house, she still treated it as if she had been coming here all her life now that she was back, but then again, that was the only area of sanctuary to her at this point since she probably considered every area in the first floor of the house off limits. Botan was, to say the least, pissed.

He trudged towards the stool that Botan had previously occupied and plopped himself onto it, watching as Hiei poked at the piece of French toast that Botan had used to hit him with.

"Do you think this thing is still edible?"

"Dunno," Shuuichi's voice was as monotone as Hiei's. "She _did_ hit you with it. You do the calculating."

"Where'd she go anyway?"

"Probably to my room to get crumbs all over my bed so killer ants will devour me." He groaned. "Damn! I don't know why, but I can't stand it when I know that she's pissed with me."

"You like her?" Hiei offered, still concentrating on his surgery of the piece of bread.

Shuuichi nearly gagged. "Excuse me?"

"It's a possibility. I'm only telling you what I think." He sighed and stood up. "Well, no use in hanging around here. I'm gonna go and meet up with Touya. You gonna come?"

"I'll meet you there later."

Hiei shrugged. "Whatever, man. If we're not there by the time you get there, just hit me up on my cell."

"Yeah."

Hiei walked out of the kitchen, and when Shuuichi heard his front door open and close, he walked over to the sink and placed the plates on the counter. Not bothering to wash them, he debated whether or not to wash up in the other bathroom in his mother's room while she was still gone or if he should go and harass Botan until she finally forgave him. The latter option was the challenge because he already knew that before he could even see her face to face, he would have to get her to unlock his door, which he guessed would take _some_ time.

He could always pick it…

…but then Botan would probably yell at him and demand why she invaded her privacy.

Wasn't it his room though? God, why did his brain have to tick the way it did when he thought about Botan?

Decision made, Shuuichi stalked up to his room with a paper clip in his hand and got ready to pick the doorknob open, but when he got there, he was surprised to find that his bedroom door was open a crack. Poking his head in, he found Botan lying on her stomach upon his bed munching on the final remnants of her toast and lazily looking at a television screen that wasn't even on. She was probably zoning out, and if Shuuichi had not been her best friend and didn't have the ability to pick up on those things, he would have easily been able to tell that she wasn't completely there just by the look in her eyes. Shuuichi didn't say anything and instead plodded into his bathroom where he jumped into a hot shower.

**

By the time that Shuuichi walked out of the bathroom, Botan was no longer there. Instead his bed had been made and the weights that had caused damage earlier this morning had been kicked off to the other side of the room. From the way things looked, Shuuichi was about to confirm to himself that Botan had already left, but at that moment, the azure-haired teenager walked in still clad in his sweats that were oversized for her small body.

Upon seeing the redhead clad in nothing but his towel, an unavoidable blush swept across Botan's cheeks, and she immediately diverted her attention to the bathroom that was now unoccupied. Shuuichi didn't notice his friend's state of awkwardness at his present choice of wardrobe immediately because he always walked into his room with nothing but a towel after his morning shower.

"You have any plans today?" Shuuichi asked, hoping for a conversation.

The question had not fully left his lips when the bathroom door shut, and just as quickly as the young woman had entered, she exited. She walked over to the side of his bed where her now dry clothes were laid out and was about to head back into the bathroom but was blocked by Shuuichi, who now wore an unbecoming frown on his forehead.

"Are you still mad at me?"

"No." She tried to shove past him, but he still did not allow her entrance so she stepped back and angrily put her hands on his hips. "What is your problem? God!"

Shuuichi looked slightly taken aback and then retaliated, "What's _your_ problem? I've been trying to get you to notice that I still existed, but all you've been doing is avoiding me."

"I am _not _avoiding you," she snorted.

"You were. Did you get up on the wrong side of the bed today or something cuz it sure does seem like it."

"You should ask yourself that, Shuuichi Minamino! You were totally out to get me this morning!"

"Stop being such a brat," he quipped.

"And stop being such a jerk."

"I am not," the two chorused, and before Shuuichi could tell himself to stop, he took Botan by the forearms and hungrily devoured her mouth with his. The girl in his clutches dove for his mouth with equal ferocity, and her hands dropped the two pieces of fabric that she was holding to explore the chiseled contours of his upper body of their own volition. 

Shuuichi pushed her against his wall and pressed his body against hers without protest, all the while nibbling on her lower lip to coax her into opening her mouth and allowing his tongue entrance into hers, which she eagerly allowed.

Her hands crawled from where they rested on his chest onto his broad shoulders and around his head where she playfully tugged at his still damp locks, eliciting a growl into her mouth. Growing tired of being idle, one of Shuuichi's hands that still held her in place moved to the hem of the shirt she wore and snaked underneath it. He was almost thankful that he had leant her his clothes because the baggy-ness of his clothes gave him easier access to the warm flesh beneath. A surprising moan spilled from her mouth despite the fact that it was occupied as her skin burned at the areas that his hands made contact with her skin. His hand had barely brushed against one of her covered breasts when sense and reason suddenly met reality, and Botan pushed herself away from Shuuichi.

She gingerly placed her hand to her lips as her widened eyes stared up at his perfectly composed ones. She couldn't possibly fathom the reasons why she did what she did, and why, in God's name, she realized that she loved every minute of it. Didn't she like Hiei? And this was her best friend, of all people, that she had just played tongue war with! 

Her heart was beating feverishly to a rhythm all its own, and she couldn't decide whether it was from that adult-rated kiss or if it was her fear. With the latter getting the better of her, she quickly blurted out that she had to leave, and without waiting for Shuuichi to say anything, exited his room and hastily made for her house.

**

**Author Notes:** This chapter seems to have come out of absolutely nowhere. o.O Yes, this particular installment to this story sucks. Yeah, there you go, I admitted it, therefore, I apologize for the absolute horror of my writing here and sucky-ness, abruptness, and audacity of this "make-out" chapter, not to mention that the last couple of paragraphs could be considered a mini lemon without the uhh… lemon. (A pretty bad one might I add. I did that in like two minutes so if there isn't any hint of smooth transition, again, please do accept my apology.) *sweatdrop* This was a chapter that was un-planned. I had originally wanted to write it so that Shuuichi would cordially introduce Botan to Hiei, who don't really know each other, other than the fact that they're both in the same English class with Shuuichi. It was also supposed to explore more of Botan's little crush on Hiei, but I obviously destroyed that a little by the end of the chapter. Well, not a little… try a lot. @_@ 

I'm so pissed because this was also supposed to be a Hiei-chapter, if you know what I mean, but I guess I'll have to save that for the next installment.

But yeah, so what's gonna happen to Shuuichi and Botan after _that_ tryst? x] Wonder what's going through Shuuichi's head. He did start it. Hehe… ah well. I'll see what I can conjure up. I hate it when I get thrown out of course because I have to compensate in later chapters. Somebody take a pistol to my head. I am losing it. Ideas are definitely on haywire. Yikes! Help! S.O.S. x]

Well, please read and review. Comments, suggestions, flames, etc – they're all very welcome.

Any Kurama (Shuuichi) x Botan fans reading? Please visit and support this clique:

www . geocities . com / kb _ reflections

**Disclaimers:** Yuu Yuu Hakusho and its characters belong to Yoshihiro Togashi, Shueisha, Fuji TV, Shounen Jump, etc. Don't sue. You are cool. =]


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